Finding Your Way Through Therapy
Join Steve Bisson, LMHC as he unravels the complexities of therapy and counseling. Engage in straightforward dialogues, enriched with insights from special guests sharing a like-minded perspective. Each episode presents valuable, easy-to-digest information designed to help you perceive therapy, and those who partake in it, in a grounding, relatable manner.
Finding Your Way Through Therapy
Summer Replay: High-Stakes Flight: Confronting Crisis and Fear at 30,000 Feet
What happens when a routine flight turns into a high-stakes confrontation at 30,000 feet? On this special episode of "Finding Your Way Through Therapy," I recount a terrifying in-flight incident from March 5th, 2023, where my family and I faced a passenger's aggressive outburst. Claiming to be "Baltazar," this individual threatened to take over the plane, creating fear and chaos among passengers. Hear the gripping story of how we, alongside brave passengers and flight attendants, managed to subdue the disruptive individual, all while balancing the safety of my children and the other passengers on board.
In the emotional aftermath, I reflect on how my crisis management skills helped me maintain composure and assist others, despite the airline's lacking security measures and insufficient follow-up. This experience brought to light the personal conflict and shame I felt, torn between protecting my family and aiding in the restraint of the aggressive passenger. Through this ordeal, I learned the importance of open communication in preventing acute stress from escalating into more severe issues. Listen in as I share insights on managing emotions and the vital need to seek professional help for mental health and substance abuse challenges, reminding us all that even therapists face real-life fears and vulnerabilities.
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Hi and welcome to Finding your Way Through Therapy. I'm your host, steve Bissom. The goal of this podcast is to demystify therapy, what can happen in therapy and the wide array of conversations you can have in therapy. I also talk to guests about therapy, their experience with therapy and how psychology is present in many places in their lives. I also share personal stories, so please join me on this journey about therapy. Well, hi and welcome to a special episode of Finding your Way Through Therapy. I am Steve Bissau.
Speaker 1:This was not planned. I hesitated actually to record this. Spoke to my therapist, told me that I had to wait a few days before, kind of, making my decision. So I don't regret it and ultimately I came to a conclusion that I want to do it in one take. If it sucks, it sucks. If it doesn't, it doesn't, I don't really care. But I also want to be able to tell my story, be able to be vulnerable and just humanize therapists, because we're people and we go through stuff too. So the reason why I'm doing this it's about a week removed from the event.
Speaker 1:For those of you who didn't hear, there was a flight from la to boston that had an incident on March 5th 2023. And I was on there with my girlfriend and my two kids. When I got on the flight I had actually noticed him, just because he had very thick sunglasses on, and part of me was like I didn't feel comfortable. And I know people are going to say that's hindsight, but ultimately I really did see that and I sat down. My two kids are sitting in the seat in front of me with a woman next to them. I'm sitting with my girlfriend behind them and there's a woman next to my girlfriend. I have the outside seat, so flight goes off without a hitch. We end up being in flight for I don't know I can't remember how much time we were up there, but I, about 45 minutes left before the flight, I decided I'm going to go to the bathroom. The woman next to my girlfriend got woke up and I said okay, I'll just go to the bathroom before we land. So I get up to go to the bathroom. He happened to be the gentleman right before me. I know that people might. I'm going to kind of like go with the narrative first before going into too much emotions. So go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1:He was sticking around right after he got out and like wondering why. So I go to the bathroom. I step out of the bathroom, I see the flight attendant there's a door right in front of the bathroom and she's like someone played with the door and she noticed that. So I go sit down, it's not my gig, right, I'm not going to get involved and my kids decide they need to go to the bathroom before we land, just like I did. So they go in the back bathroom.
Speaker 1:While they're in the bathroom, the flight attendant one of the great flight attendants we had goes and asks him if he played with the door and just about the same tone. I'm kind of like not exactly sure about the tone, but it was an accusatory tone, just something like a matter of fact done by the flight attendant. Well, that got him upset. He started getting angry and he started stating different things, one of them being that he's Baltazar, and started saying that women and kids are safe, but not the men. And the reason why is that? The men? I can't remember how he abused women and I don't know how he used kids, but use your imagination, he was saying that about us men. So my kids get back from the bathroom at that point and I say go sit down and I'm not sitting with them, so they're right in front of me. So my girlfriend very helpful is taking care of one of them, I take care of the other.
Speaker 1:But because he was focusing on the men, I had to make a decision. I had to make a decision between standing up to go sit next to my kids or staying behind him and not get the focus of his attention, because he's really focusing on men at this point. So I decided to just try to help my daughters, rub their shoulders and say you're okay, don't worry, you're safe, and try to remind them of that. So at one point he stands up and gets louder and he starts talking about homeland security. I think people said air marshals. I'm pretty sure he had said homeland security. He said who's homeland security? And he started. This is happening. We're three rows behind three to four rows. He's in front of us. So we hear him. We hear him pretty loudly.
Speaker 1:We are in this vision, if we decide to stand up, basically, and he's starting to look at other men saying that are you home, man? Are you going to shoot me? And if you do shoot me, the bullets will go right through me because I'm baltazar and they won't kill me and that just may you know. I'll be safer. We can't remember the exact words.
Speaker 1:So he states that at one point that he gets more and more upset, he gets up and he he was up at that time too. I shouldn't say he just got up but at one point he starts stating that there will be a blood bath and then mentions a weapon of some sort. So then he at one point because he got up, I didn't see all that, because I'm hiding behind my daughters trying to rub their arms and I'll share that feeling afterwards and then he says he's going to take over the plane. Thank you for the four to six men who really charged at him, pushed him down and held him down. The flight attendants helped and they started looking for zip ties in the cuffs. Well, the zip tie cuffs, I should say he's held down, but the cuffs break. Then around they start throwing the message around the plane that does anybody have their belt or ties or anything that they can use as a restraint? You know who goes on a plane anymore with belts, because you know everything. We got to go through TSA right, so hard to find. So I'm all that after you got tackled.
Speaker 1:I'm just I asked a woman who was sitting next to my kids to get up and I start reassuring my kids. I talked to them, I processed them, you're safe, you're fine, and just want to make sure they're okay. They have a lot of questions already about weapons. They have questions about what happened. Why is he that way? So I try to answer as much as I can, but the girls once they hear that he did not have a weapon and I joke around that he didn't have a weapon because and this is not a joke at LAX we couldn't even wear our hoodies through the security. They had to put that down. So I'm like, if we can't wear a hoodie, I'm pretty sure he's not bringing a weapon. So we're able to do that.
Speaker 1:My girlfriend had a prescribed medication benzodiazepine, and I can't remember what it was. But she decides that she's going to try to help. She grinds it. He said he was thirsty, the gentleman in question while he's being restrained, so she puts it in his mouth so hopefully it gets absorbed and it calms him down. He's held down. We're still in the air during all this time and originally 45 minutes in. We're over.
Speaker 1:I want to guess New York, new Jersey, around there, but they took the plane all the way back to Logan. So people get tired and all that. So after I reassured my kids, I asked my kids if they need help? Do you want me to go help them and to restrain them? And they said, sure, but I didn't have to do that, thankfully, because they had asked once or twice, but I didn't have to do anything. So after my girlfriend did that, she goes and sits down.
Speaker 1:We land in Logan pretty violently because the plane's coming at a really rapid rate. We want to land ASAP. Obviously makes sense, right? So once we land, he's taken off the plane and like I don't think he was on like as soon as the troopers got in, massachusetts State Police shout out to them too, by the way, they take them out right away. And then they said well, can you sit down? We're just going to run people, we're going to talk to people, get some statements. Some people had videos. So the state troopers needed that and they asked for more info. And the only thing I really offered is that if someone was saying something that was not accurate, I kind of like did correct them. So once the troopers or as we say in Massachusettsachusetts, the troopers have you know, leave the plane. We're told to leave, leave and we all leave. You know, people are supporting each other, people are very nice to each other and, uh, the flight attendant says something to the effect of thank you for flying united, which seems you know. I'll get back to that too.
Speaker 1:So a few things that I want to mention, because this is what happened. I want to give you the facts as much as I can, without putting my little messages in there, right? So here's my thoughts in regards to that. So the flight attendants were calm, they were amazing. They did a fantastic job, considering, I will be honest, and I didn't see him with a weapon. I did not see it when I was in the bathroom. I didn't see him going towards anyone with the weapons because, again, I'm cowering behind the seat so that he doesn't see me because he is targeting me. But the flight attendants tried to calm the situation down. They did everything they can. They were helping as much as they can, and they did a fantastic job because I'm sure that there probably is some training in regards to emergency situations. I'm pretty sure they never had to go through that exact situation. So bravo and kudos to all of them for handling it well. Happy the flight attendant did not get stabbed that I know of and things went out okay that way. For the four to six men who ran and held them down, thank you. I was shook. I tried to shake hands with everyone when they went back to sit down, but I will never be able to thank them enough for what they did.
Speaker 1:People next to me some of them were upset, some people were struggling and you know I've worked crisis work for about 15 years, so I went into a mode where I again because I want to be very mindful that I cannot diagnose someone I don't know I was thinking there might be a mental health issue there, and if you want to laugh the way I said it, that's fine too. So you know, I start someone. One of the women in particular was afraid of flying and obviously this didn't help, so I tried to talk to her. I talked to other people who were like having a rough time trying to just calm everyone down, including after I took care of my daughters, which were my priority right, so to get. But that was really good and people stayed really calm and I'm very happy for that. The few things that I want to mention that I got and I.
Speaker 1:It may be hard for me to get to this point, but I figured vulnerability and being truthful in regards to what we went through goes a long way. So the first question I have is why didn't we land before Logan? Because we knew we would get tired, the zip ties had broken and, like I said, said we went over new york. I know there's a couple airports there. We were near hartford. There's an airport there, there's an, there's an airport in worcester, there's an airport, smaller airports on the way and why did they insist on doing the 45 minutes to boston? I'll never quite understand that.
Speaker 1:That's not for me to respond, but this is something that I really wanted to share because it got me frustrated. We only had one pair of zip tie cuffs on the whole plane. Why am I frustrated by that? Well, if we were two people who were acting out or trying to take over a plane or what have you, we were proverbially fucked. And yes, I swore, but it was just the frustration I had that we only had one pair. It was so scary in regards to that because they, the cuffs broke so they had to do other things and so also like again, there are no. There's no like order here. I'm just telling you my thoughts here and I did write them down.
Speaker 1:But the other thing that came to like when we finished. So thank you for everyone who helped, particularly those who and then thank you for flying United. I thought that was the most insulting thing I heard, and the reason why is that we went through a lot and I didn't like. I think that people who acted bravely like they did is they went through even more to me. I frankly don't think of me as going through a whole lot, but thank you for flying United. It seems like a and you know, I know the flight attendants are going through their own stuff too. It's not that I'm insensitive to that, but at the same time, like I could have been a little better right, could have been like oh my God, I hope you're going to get an email from us or if you need crisis resources or whatever. No, nothing of that. Thank you for flying United. And we get off the plane and we get on a merry way, except for those at the videos and wanted to give statements.
Speaker 1:So I didn't quite understand that and I'm still a little frustrated in regards to that and there was no follow-up. I wrote to them in regards to that on Monday. My girlfriend did something on Tuesday or Wednesday and didn't follow up anything. And so I have my resources. I have my therapist. I'm a therapist myself. My therapist helped me. I was reaching out to people anyway, but ultimately, why aren't they reaching out to us? And yes, if you feel attack united, it's not my goal, but I want to tell you that you failed us by doing so and I wish that that happened. The things I'm grateful for besides that is just having a bunch of people who are just united. It was very helpful to see that. My brain went into crisis mode.
Speaker 1:As I said, the one thing that my therapist made me understand is that what also is painful for me is that I've had other traumas not on a plane like this, but other traumas in my life, and a lot of it brings shame right. And this one brought me shame because if I took care of my kids, then I felt shame that I didn't help the men who bravely held them down, and if I did help them out, I would have been ashamed that I wasn't there for my kids. You know, knock on wood, my kids still like. My kids still say it's a bad incident. They were even annoyed with me on Friday when I was asking how they were doing and they're not affected and I'm very proud of that. I'm hoping that I contributed to that. But my shame was going to come either way and I couldn't win and that's a lot of the shit that I still struggle with right now. And that's a lot of the shit that I still struggle with right now.
Speaker 1:The sadness of the whole thing because for me it's just a sad statement of what happened, and not only for the mental health part, because that's part of what he had as an issue. In my opinion, it's just an opinion. There's no proof of what I'm saying here but intense sadness for that poor woman who probably will never fly again and we didn't send any support for her, even for me, who has all the resources. Pretty rough for me too, and I'm sure there's other people who found that rough. Didn't find it rough. That's great and, yes, I think that what the men did was brave, even though they said they just did what was right. They did absolutely what was right. But doing what was right is tough and I give them a lot of credit for that. The flight attendants keeping the situation as calm as they possibly could give them a lot of credit. Still don't understand why we had to go 40 minutes in flight with this situation instead of landing somewhere else.
Speaker 1:The other thing that's going to be very vulnerable for me to say is that I was calm, I was fine on Sunday, even making jokes on the way back in the car. Dark humor really helped. My kids participated, my girlfriend participated. I was fine Monday, when and to put that in perspective I truly haven't had any problems with my digestive system in that way for many years I can't even count the years 15 years or so and I dry heaved a lot on Tuesday. I drive heaved on Wednesday, thursday, friday, saturday, today's Sunday it's a week removed. I've drive heaved every day, even today, and that's a reaction. Right. I've cried and I'm surprised I haven't cried yet, but I think I'm writing it down and sharing with you was kind of like a good way for me not to cry, I guess because I can keep my shit together sometimes.
Speaker 1:But I tell the story to a few people. I don't want to say the story just for the record, just the last time. I'll say the story If you're a friend of mine, if you're someone who knows me, I'm going to refer you to the podcast. The reason why my therapist says retelling the story won't help. And he's right. Damn you therapist. Thank you Joe. Damn you therapist. Thank you, joe. But I think that what happens is that it's tough. You just become a human. I'm not immune to trauma because I'm a therapist. I'm not immune to the side effects of acute stress disorder because I'm a therapist.
Speaker 1:And when I think about finding your way through therapy, I really wanted people to understand that we want to help us therapists. But we're therapists, are human too, and I really, really wanted that to be shown and I figured that this is the perfect place to talk about that. How am I going to be tomorrow, next week, I don't know, but I know that just talking about it felt good to share that with everyone, and if you have any questions that are not about the event but how I'm feeling or anything like that, I'm more than happy to share that. I'm not sharing any of my personal views in regards to certain things, but I will tell you how I feel and that's what I will concentrate on. So that's it. I didn't know how I feel and that's what I will concentrate on. So that's it. I didn't know how I was going to finish the episode. This is going to be the end of the episode here. We'll go back to a regular scheduled program next week, but I appreciate you guys listening.
Speaker 1:It's so tough sometimes to just be a human being because I want to be a professional, but even this week, having a few clients, one of the things I've always prided myself is that don't ask me any questions you don't want the answer to, and one of the questions I've done since a long time is if you ask me how I'm doing, I'm going to tell you exactly how I'm doing, whether you like it or not, I don't care, and I've said that to a few people. I've been able to kind of like, give them the cliff notes and not be too emotional. But one of the things that I said to myself a long time ago is, if you can be human as a therapist, you can let them be humans in life. And there was a particular client this week. I was sharing a little bit about this and turns out that this client of mine started talking about their trauma that they had a couple of weeks ago and they said you, talking about it, just open myself that I can be vulnerable with you. So again, I don't know how to end this episode other than saying that my clients were. They listened a little bit.
Speaker 1:I didn't take over their sessions. I was very. Every time I did I said no, my God, I can't take over your session. And they would always go no, no, you can tell me I'm like no, no, this is your session Because part of it is. I know some therapist friends of mine will say well, you shared too much with your clients. This is not something we should be doing. You're taking over the session. I didn't get the impression from any of my clients that they felt that way and I'm pretty sure they didn't.
Speaker 1:But ultimately, I'll be myself on this podcast. I can guarantee you that I'll be authentic. I'll be myself. My reactions are authentic. Right now I'm feeling okay. I do feel the tears in my eyes. I'm going to put the video in on YouTube if you wish. But I know that I'll get better.
Speaker 1:But I won't get better by holding the story down and not talking about it. I won't talk about the story but how I feel, and I've been able to between talking to a great, great friend of mine on Tuesday, being able to talk to a few more people Wednesday and Thursday, going out with a friend again on Friday. Yesterday I was able to talk to another friend. We did something, we had something planned, and was able to talk to another friend. We did something, we had something planned and was able to open up with him. And then today I went with my girlfriend's friends and we kind of like share that story too.
Speaker 1:One of the things I would say to make sure that things don't become a post-traumatic stress disorder, acute stress disorders to talk about it, and not necessarily the event, but your feelings and how you felt around this. Do you do that with just about everyone? No, do it with people you trust. But ultimately it's really been helpful for me to be able to open up about it. So, all right, now it's the end Regular scheduling program coming back next week. I really thank you for listening and I'll see you next week. Please like, subscribe or follow this podcast on your favorite platform. A glowing review is always helpful and, as a reminder, this podcast is for information, educational and entertainment purposes. If you're struggling with a mental health or substance abuse issue, please reach out to a professional counselor or therapist for consultation. Please reach out to a professional counselor or therapist for consultation.
