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Finding Your Way Through Therapy
Join Steve Bisson, LMHC as he unravels the complexities of therapy and counseling. Engage in straightforward dialogues, enriched with insights from special guests sharing a like-minded perspective. Each episode presents valuable, easy-to-digest information designed to help you perceive therapy, and those who partake in it, in a grounding, relatable manner.
Finding Your Way Through Therapy
Summer Replay: Navigating Grief and Trauma: Insights from Therapist Gina Moffa And Her Book, Now On Paperback
How do you truly heal when life throws its toughest challenges your way? Welcome back to an incredibly heartfelt and insightful conversation with Gina Moffa, a dedicated grief and trauma-informed therapist based in New York City. Gina introduces her upcoming book, "Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go," and sheds light on her journey as a therapist, particularly the lessons learned from her clients and the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic on her practice. Discover the profound connections Gina has made through social media and how these interactions have shaped her understanding of grief and trauma.
Gina and I unpack the raw and messy experiences of therapy - both from the perspective of the therapist and the client. We dive into the essence of authenticity in therapy, the pitfalls of the modern quick-fix mentality, and the distinct differences between therapy and coaching. Learn why therapy should be viewed as an ongoing maintenance process, much like regular medical check-ups. We also touch on the unique challenges of grieving during a pandemic and the importance of finding resources that genuinely resonate with one's personal journey through loss.
In our deep discussion on grief, we challenge conventional models and emphasize the need for individualized approaches. Gina offers her insights on the cyclical and unpredictable nature of grief, stressing the importance of planning and support systems. From understanding the nervous system's role in processing intense emotions to creating a safe therapeutic environment, this episode is packed with practical advice and compassionate wisdom. Don't miss Gina Moffa's comforting perspective on navigating loss, as we honor the past while finding strength and connection in the present.
Her book is out on paperback now! You can get it here.
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Hi and welcome to Finding your Way Through Therapy. The goal of this podcast is to demystify therapy, what can happen in therapy and the wide array of conversations you can have in and about therapy Through personal experiences. Guests will talk about therapy, their experiences with it and how psychology and therapy are present in many places in their lives, with lots of authenticity and a touch of humor. Here is your host, steve Bisson.
Speaker 2:Thank you and so glad you can join us on episode 113. If you haven't listened to episode 112, it was with Megan Visconti, then Megan Garvey when we did the interview. It was an amazing interview. We talked about being a therapist, what brought us to that movement therapy. There's a bunch of stuff we talked about, so please go back and listen. But episode 113 is with a friend of mine, and what I mean by that is we met through social media a few years ago. I can't even remember no-transcript is getting into therapy, doesn't know as much, but it's also good for therapists.
Speaker 2:As a review, I'll be perfectly honest with you. There's a couple of things that I went oh. Yeah, yes, I know this, but I didn't know this, so to speak. But I really am looking forward to talking to my friend. And here's the interview with Gina.
Speaker 2:Well, hi everyone and welcome to episode 113 of Finding your Way Through Therapy. I can't tell you how happy I am to see a returning guest but, more importantly, a friend. We make friends over Instagram sometimes and you never know who's going to be the most supportive, and Gina has been very supportive of me and I've tried to return the favor as much as I possibly can. Gina was on episode 46 and she's back today because she's promoting a book out on August 22nd called Moving On Doesn't Mean Letting Go, and I've read most of it. Again, I never lie to anyone. I didn't finish it yet, sorry, gina, but I'm working on it and it's going to be highly recommended and I will make sure you guys have a link to buy the book. And I just want to welcome Gina Mofa back to finding your way through therapy.
Speaker 3:Thank you, Steve. It is always like coming to visit an old friend hanging out with you, so thank you, so so much.
Speaker 2:I'm grateful you develop like these connections with people sometimes and they come and go and we connected over Instagram and it's one of those things that we connected and you kind of go okay, well, we connect forever or whatever, and I can't wait for you to come to Boston to promote your book so we can have lunch, because we've never met face to face.
Speaker 3:Never, but it feels like we're. I mean, it's been years, so it feels like we're old friends by now. We are old friends by now.
Speaker 2:Well, I think it's like-minded people right.
Speaker 3:Yeah for sure. When People right, yeah for sure. When you find your people, you stick with them.
Speaker 2:And I'm so happy. I'm going to go to New York and we're going to grab dinner or something. Just a great human being, and I know that people that might have listened to episode 46, but maybe for those who missed episode 46, go back and listen to it but I'm going to ask the same question. I always ask all my guests, even if they're returning Tell us about yourself.
Speaker 3:It's so funny. This is one of the hardest questions. You can ask me anything about trauma, anything about grief, and I'm like great. But when you say tell me about yourself, I'm like I don't know. My name is Gina. Anyway, my name is Gina Maffa. I am a grief and trauma informed and I love and we're going to talk about that therapist in private practice in New York City. I work with people enduring losses of all kinds. Life transitions, changes even good changes can be hard and traumatizing. And right now I am promoting a book that's coming out on August 22nd, as Steve just mentioned, and it is a book on grief and navigating loss in this fast-paced society that we're in. So this is where I'm at right now and what a whirlwind.
Speaker 2:And Gina's being very, very modest. Gina's one of the most compassionate people I know and if you ever follow her on Instagram, go see her website. You will see the human being that shows up not only as a therapist but as a human being, and that's probably why we connect so well. I don't show up as fake and you don't either, and I think that probably is one of those things. Gina has her own stuff that she's going to discuss about grief and trauma and everything else, but a person that will go above and beyond for others. If you get to the book, I'm going to spoil a little bit of the intro. During COVID, she had the same guilt, so to speak, as I did of not being able to help more people, and so to say that Gina is a wonderful human being is an understatement. But there, I helped you with your intro.
Speaker 3:Oh, my goodness, I would never say that. So I'm really, really, I mean, I don't even know what to say. Thank you, thank you for that. I just love that. We're on the same wavelength and I think, you know, just because we're trained and just because we have extra education and specializations and all of that doesn't mean that we're not still being taught and being students and we still have to show up. I learn so much every day from my work and for me, if I didn't have a sense of humility and openness to always learning and being flexible, I don't know that I could do this work personally. We're more than the sum of our degrees and our education.
Speaker 2:The day we stop learning is the day we're no longer here. That's how I perceive it, and I learn every single day and I try to learn again. Some spoilers here. She talks about how much her clients have taught her and one of the things that I do, and I think I've mentioned it before in the podcast and if I haven't, that's fine. Whenever I terminate with a client, I go out to lunch with them, or supper or coffee or whatever they feel comfortable with, and then I explain to them what they taught me and they always they're always like, oh my God, really, I thought you all done.
Speaker 2:I'm like, yeah, I didn't know any of this stuff. And they're like, well, you taught me so much. I'm like we're not here to talk about that, talk about that. We're here to talk about you and what you taught me, and that's why going to school is also being with our patients or clients or whatever we're supposed to call them, but I call them human beings and we're going to talk a lot about this book. But I want to mention one thing. I recommend this, obviously, for people who are going through their grief process maybe curious, don't know how to deal with it I highly recommend that therapists read it, because it's not something that we learned in school, right? I mean, I don't know if you had a grief class. I didn't have a grief class. We had trauma class, but it was, like you know, three hours and there you go. You're trauma informed, which we'll be talking about.
Speaker 2:But I think that that's why I want to mention that. But how do we decide to be a therapist? I mean, I know how I decided to be a therapist, but I want to know how Gina wakes up one day and goes you know what? I'm going to be a therapist.
Speaker 3:It's really funny because people always say how did you get into it? And I always say I landed in it, I fell into it. I was always really interested in international affairs and international studies and really interested in humanitarian crises and the way that people were treated during war, and a lot of this is, as I'm saying this, you can imagine trauma, trauma, trauma. So I was introduced to trauma really through international relations studies and was always really fascinated on the idea of resiliency and how people in different cultures really got through the most horrific life events genocide we're talking about families being slaughtered and taken away, children being drugged and used as soldiers. I mean really human atrocities at the highest level and just really wanting to understand more about how we survived that. And so as I realized that I was more and more interested in the human behavior, part of international relations and less about the law, I fell into therapy and social work school at NYU and 100% knew that I wanted to be in trauma and a trauma therapist. So, and interestingly, at the time there weren't classes specifically on trauma. It was 2001 and it was just after September 11th where I did my thesis on terrorism and the psychological aftermath, so I was already sort of starting this journey into trauma work, just not really understanding which road would I take in this way. Would I wind up being a lawyer, or would I wind up going into human behavior of some kind? And I didn't know, and you know. But more and more it just felt like I was home, the more that I read about people recovering from things and finding life and beauty again and reading books on trauma. And this was really early on, you know, when we didn't understand what trauma was. We thought it was war syndrome after Vietnam. And thank God that Judith Herman was there also to really start this, and really she was one of the first books that I read on trauma and so for me I was really just fascinated with trauma itself and being a therapist sort of fell into that idea of how I would use it and how I would study it and how I would move forward.
Speaker 3:But interestingly, in all of my trauma work there was something that I always saw missing and it was the understanding of grief. And we talk about healing and integration and all of that, but we don't talk about the things that we have to mourn as part of that process. It seems obvious, or it seemed obvious a lot of my career, but working with Holocaust survivors really kind of brought it home is when I started doing grief work and having grief specific groups here in New York City and it just felt like, wow, this is a missing link to a lot of things. People just need to talk and come together and feel connected and it's really this that's the overlap in a lot of ways with trauma work and grief work is the idea of connection again and safety and connection.
Speaker 3:So I just gave you the country roads on how I became a therapist. But it was really interesting for me to kind of come from this place where I was looking at human behavior from a place of diplomacy and theory and now looking at feelings and emotions behind war. So yeah, that's how it all came to be. It's always a clumsy answer, but it is not always a linear like grief, not always a linear path to where we land in our lives that have the most meaning for us. So a little bit of a messy journey, but the right one.
Speaker 2:You're the third person on this podcast that have gone from the law world to being a therapist and certainly I see the same compassion from them that I see from you and realizing that it's that part of the human experience that people look into. And you know you talk about different authors, you know like Bessel van der Kolk has an amazing book on that and Harriet Lerner, I think, has one especially for women. And I think it's called the dance of anger, but it's truly about the grief process.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I love her book too. But we talk about all this and how we get to this point. I mean, it's not a linear process, because I remember my sixth grade teacher. I'm just going to share this story. He had put two things on the board and this was chalk days put a straight line and a root A to root B, and then he did one A and then he made squiggly lines to root B and he said to us and I was what? 11 at the time he says okay, which one is going to teach you the most? And he said that's the one that you need to remember. If it's not, if it's a straight line, what are you learning? If it's all screwed up, but you got to learn throughout the process, it may actually be even better for you. And so I always remember that, and this is when I was 11 at the time. So it was a long-term thing Good teacher.
Speaker 2:We do need those different views.
Speaker 3:For sure.
Speaker 2:The other part too. Sometimes people become therapists because maybe of their own experience in therapy. And I always ask the same question Everyone have you ever been in therapy?
Speaker 3:I sure have. Yeah, I'm not currently in therapy, but I've been in therapy, sort of on and off as needed. It's been a minute I actually could. I think about it sometimes going back in just to deal with right now some imposter syndrome that the therapists are not immune to or exempt from. But yeah, I have been in therapy. I think therapy for me has made me a better therapist. I love the idea that we can really take time to self-reflect with another person. In a way that I don't know, it just airs out the wounds, and so I think that for sure both for better and worse in a way, because I didn't always choose the best therapist for me also and how much we learn just from that. You know things not to do, ways not to act.
Speaker 2:And it's also very important to know if you get along with your therapist. I certainly encourage people to do that. After a few sessions with me, I'm like is this the type of therapy you want? If you don't, that's fine, I'll find someone else, and I think that I learned that from my own therapy too, so sometimes you got to experience it in order to get it better.
Speaker 3:It's so true. It's so true. I remember being young, before I was going to be a therapist just wanting to be liked by my therapist and wanting to do therapy right and wanted to be well behaved and very neat and all of that, and it took some time for me to realize this is what is? What am I paying for? This is crazy. You know, I would never want someone to come into my office and try to behave or want to do something right. I would be so, oh my God, I'd be so upset if that, if that was something that they felt. But yeah, it's funny. It's funny the things we learned from doing things wrong.
Speaker 2:I had a therapist after I had, like, I had three losses in 10 days, and started therapy with a new therapist and started the first 15 minutes and she looked me in the eye and she says all right, now that you've told me all the therapist bullshit, you know how about you start being real and being truthful to me? Yes, like that's my therapist right there. She called me on my stuff in 15 minutes.
Speaker 3:I love it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and she let me be sloppy and she accepted me for being sloppy. And that's what therapy is. If it was a easy process, we would just say here's the book, You're all set.
Speaker 3:Best of luck to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's not how it is.
Speaker 3:No, and that's what I think is so hard also about, like the new age that we live in, where society wants very quick fixes and where people now would almost prefer to go to coaches because they're advertising like four easy steps to get through your trauma, five ways to heal your childhood abuse and go, and so it definitely feels harder to be a therapist these days, but the journey is life-changing, life-changing.
Speaker 2:You know, one of my clients once said to me you only get what you want out of therapy if you put yourself out there and be sloppy and not expect a timeframe.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I wasn't a therapist. I was a client and I would remind people of that. Like, you want me to schedule 12 weeks and you're going to be better, you know what? I'm not the therapist for you. I'll find someone who claims to do that. I just don't do that. It may be 12 weeks and that would be awesome, but I can't promise anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I don't ever promise X amount of weeks. I promise that I don't want to keep them there forever.
Speaker 2:Right, and that's what.
Speaker 3:I tell people, that's it.
Speaker 2:We don't want you in therapy for life, but if you need it, like I have at least a handful. They come in every three months and they joke around. I'm like you're my oil, change you know everything's good. Everything's not so good, Whatever we talk about it and then like all right, I'm good for three months for three months, yep.
Speaker 3:And so I call it the tune up. I call it the tune up, I even write about it in my book too. It's so true, so it's wonderful they come back.
Speaker 2:And I think it's also good for me for anyone to know that to me, the goal of this podcast, too, is to realize that mental health is as important as physical health. You don't go and see your doctor once you're healthy. All right, you're good for 10 years. I make you come every year If you have some medical issues, every six months, and so on and so forth. And that's how I see mental health. It's the exact same thing.
Speaker 3:It really is.
Speaker 2:I'm on the maintenance plan with my therapist now, but he always says you need to come back regularly. I'm open to it.
Speaker 3:I love it. I mean we need to have that. I talk about it at the end of my book, really but even when we think we're doing well and or we terminate, that the relationship still continues and whether or not we decide to go back for the tune-up or the maintenance, that relationship lives inside of you and continues to evolve. So a lot like grief.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and maybe that's a good place to start the grief process. We've talked about it not much in school, so to speak. So what made you decide one day, like based? And I was seeing clients, I see people beginning of college through graduate school, people are emerging adults, so to speak, and really high functioning people who want to do the work.
Speaker 3:And I came to a place during COVID where, like we spoke earlier, there were so many phone calls coming my way, so many people calling from all over the country, all over the world, and in a state of loss, not just death losses, but divorce breakups, loss of a pet, fertility challenges, livelihood changes. You know, they opened a business, took everything they had, put it into a business and lost it during COVID, and there was such a sense of helplessness. And so I remember working with some clients who were like, okay, I'm so anxious about what I'm going through, this is my first experience with loss and understanding that I'm grieving. What books do you have for me? So I would name some books and I would give some suggestions and they would go out and they would read them and they would come back and say, okay, it was good, but it wasn't for me. Helpful tidbits and tools and you send me home with reflections and I feel like every week I'm doing something and I'm making my way towards something. That's the kind of book I need and I want you to write it. And I was like oh, I was like laughing, you know, thinking why would I write a book? I'm just, you know, I'm just me, I'm just a therapist in the trenches doing the work.
Speaker 3:And it kind of struck me that the thought stayed with me for a while and I thought, okay, what could I do? That's not about just me writing a book that makes me look good. And I was thinking about it and it was how do I provide access to as close to grief therapy with me as one could get in a book for people who do not have access to therapy, either access through financial reasons or location reasons, or maybe they're nervous because they've never been to therapy and don't know what to expect. So I wanted to write a book that was almost like the front line to going to therapy. So this is what it would be like if you had a grief and trauma informed therapist and you were going through a loss of any kind. And that was my mission in writing the book. What would that be like for somebody who had no idea or just couldn't do it for many different reasons, and that's really where it all started.
Speaker 3:So I wrote a proposal and I thought, if it's meant to be in the world almost took a spiritual bend, you know, and having lost my mother, I wanted to also share that I've I'm not just a trained therapist, but I've been around the block. I've experienced this myself and I learned what didn't work for me also, and so that was sort of my pledge to put it out in the world in a way that felt like it had a mission and a higher good for people and somehow miraculously got a literary agent and a book deal and off I went to the races and it's been a really interesting experience of writing the book and wanting it to speak to so many different losses that we've experienced now since COVID and I understand COVID is still actually happening, but the initial trauma of COVID was very, very hard, and so I really do try to speak to that period of time. But also since then and I know you probably understand social media has taken off. Reels have to be seven seconds. The world is so much faster than it was pre-COVID, and so you and I talked about this earlier.
Speaker 3:But I was like, okay, well, what do I do when I have clients coming to me and I'm saying grief is messy, and you're going to feel what you feel and you're going to feel it for as long as you feel it. Now, if you come in with a history of anxiety or high adrenaline or trauma hearing, that is going to completely upend you and, as a therapist, that felt really irresponsible, though true that I would then have to, it doesn't fly. And so for me, I wanted to provide something that would give a sense of agency, right that we can do something and work towards something and still be connected to the endlessness of grief, which is that it will always be with us, but it transforms and it should lessen in intensity and you should find relief and we allow life in again. But nobody knows how to do it. It sounds good, but how do we do it? Where do we start? So that's kind of what I tried to put in this book and I hope you're you're somewhat through it, so I'm hoping that that came across.
Speaker 2:Of course, you mentioned something that you say at the end of the book and I'm like, of course I haven't read the whole thing, so we should get talks about that.
Speaker 3:Well, now, when you read it, you'll be like, oh, there she is. There's the tune up.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's why it's important. Like, what I think is so important is I've had clients come to me and, like I wanted to learn about trauma, I got the body keeps the score. I'm like it. All due respect, that's really a good technical book for therapists and it again masterpiece, if you ask me but it's not really written in a way that is helpful for people. In some ways it's helpful for a therapist, but it's not for the general population. One of my clients no, no, I read the whole thing. It was great. And then she comes back the next week.
Speaker 2:She's like oh no, I listened for 20 minutes and I'm like this is not for me, so it's good to have it it's hard yeah you wrote a manual, which is really helpful, and you know I want to, before I forget the exercises that I've got, like that, go through the book are so helpful and are so simple, so that people know that, and the way you describe them are perfect, because I go back I think it was meditation. People think it's like you got to get a cushion, sit there for three hours and be enlightened and no that's just not how that works no, it doesn't, and actually it's.
Speaker 3:It's really much harder for people who have an overactive, hyper alert nervous system, and it's all you're going to do is compound the feeling of failure and anxiety. And yeah, I'm glad you pointed out that my exercises are simple, because I do struggle with are they too simple? But then I think of a grieving brain, and a grieving brain it really can't take in a lot of information that feels too dense. I know I couldn't when I was grieving, and so I wanted to be able to still meet somebody where they were and at least introduce them to these ideas in a way that they can easily metabolize, and so that was my hope with that. So thanks for pointing that out.
Speaker 2:Well, when your central nervous system and if I ever refer to it as CNS, I'm just giving everyone a heads up, that's what I call it sometimes it's so overactive. Doing meditation for three minutes can seem so overwhelming. So if you just do a breathing exercise for 30 seconds, square breathing, for example, or something like that, even for 30 seconds or a minute, then you're, you're already there and it's helping your central nervous system.
Speaker 2:So yeah that's why I like the simplicity of it, because talk about a little bit of what we want in this world. We're also looking for simplicity. If I sat there and said, okay, we gotta get a bodhi tree, you gotta read the four books on buddhism that buddha wrote or his disciples wrote, and then you'll be maybe, perhaps, enlightened. People will be like no way.
Speaker 3:No, it's so true, it's true, and I think sometimes people write things and they're dense and they're made for whoever they're made for. But my book wasn't made to impress my colleagues. My book was made to bolster the work that people do with clients and that's the most important mission of this. You know, and our clients need things that they can easily digest and learn about.
Speaker 2:So you've impressed at least one colleague and you're looking at.
Speaker 3:Well, I mean I'm. You're a little biased because you are my dear friend, but I do appreciate it. You have no idea, and I would actually need you to tell me if you thought it was really crap.
Speaker 2:So, between you and me, I've not been known as someone who holds back.
Speaker 3:That is the truth.
Speaker 2:So you know, I feel that way. If I thought I wasn't good, I would be like I wouldn't probably say that on a podcast, but I privately go. I look to you about this is like, but no, it's really good. You know, I appreciate it and I think about you. Know the audience listening. Sometimes it's looking at what is grief and people want to put a label on it and sometimes it's hard to define and I'm asking you a very complex question with three simple, four simple words what is grief? Or three?
Speaker 3:very complex. No, no, you know, grief is quite simply a natural response to a loss of any kind that feels significant to you, and I think we forget that it can be so much more than death losses, and it could even be an old loss that comes up. I was thinking of my childhood home and missing that, or I was missing this key chain that I got from my mom who passed, and now I'm grieving a couple of things, you know, and it's very, very layered and very nuanced and very individual, so nobody will ever really be able to tell you that what you're grieving is not significant or meaningful to you. It is any loss and it is a full body experience.
Speaker 2:And it's also something that you will have to read the book, but there's a story about a woman who's having trouble crossing the street and I'm going to leave it there. So you guys go read the book, but it really explains how it brings up the past as well as a recent loss for that person.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm just leaving it there.
Speaker 3:That's a tender story.
Speaker 2:I'm just going to let it float because I think it's important. Do you think that grief is something that you know like? I got to grieve better than Gina, and obviously Gina's the best, so I'm going to grieve as well as she does. The whole competition thing Is that something that you encounter sometimes? Is that something that people need to really debunk that myth?
Speaker 3:I think I do encounter it. I do encounter it. I do encounter it not necessarily about competition, but I think we're always looking for a point of reference and I think people look especially to social media on how people are grieving or how they're coping with things. A lot of people go to Instagram and create these beautiful reels that talk about their heartache, and it will go on and on. And if some people feel better, even they're kind of like, oh, now I'm looking at this person who's still making these heartbreaking reels Am I doing this wrong by feeling better? And I think that it's a dangerous territory when we compare.
Speaker 3:But it's also very human, I think, because grief is such a mystery even to us as professionals. I think we look for structure, which is why I always say, despite the fact that Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's five stages of grief is not helpful for the modern grieving paradigm, you know it was really helpful at the time for people to adopt that as grievers, because it gave them a sense of something to expect. You know, they knew that they would expect these feelings and they would go through these cycles and unfortunately it was made for people who were terminally ill, so there was an end point, and I think that's kind of where it then falls short. For sure, because it's messy, it's cyclical and there's no end date, and it's more than just these five things. But I think that at the beginning, our human brain needs something to guide us, and when we're left to our own devices in a sticky tar pit of and void of nothingness and an overwhelm and uncertainty on where we're headed next in this new foreign landscape, I just think it's it can be really dangerous for our mental health.
Speaker 3:So that's I mean, I think that's why it's really important that we don't compare. But I think it's so human of us to compare just because we do need a point of reference. But I always say like it's dangerous when you start saying you're doing it wrong or that you're stuck because somebody else isn't. And that's why I think therapy is good or support groups are good. But even in support groups, people compare themselves. You know, I think it's just so normal for us to do that and I think it's okay to do that. But I think when we start to judge ourselves based on that, that's where it goes down a slippery slope. Based on that, that's where it goes down a slippery slope.
Speaker 2:I think what I was going to add to it is you know, I grieved the loss of my father in seven days, three hours and 20 minutes. You beat that and I tell people like well, my circumstances are not the same as Gina losing her mom and it's not the same as my client losing both sisters in a car crash and it's not going to be like a competition of time and all that and I think you pointed out in the book, but I want to hear a little more about it. So I want to grieve between the hours of 3 pm and 6 pm on August 16. Is that how that works? We can do it in that three-hour time frame and get it all out.
Speaker 3:I mean we can joke about it, right, and no, it doesn't work that way.
Speaker 3:And yet I do think more and more as I learn from my own clients, is that and I was telling you earlier I just participated in an article in Well and Good on scheduling our grief I'm also kind of a component and a champion of people grieving however they can, and so if scheduling it allows them that sense of safety that they may not feel in their otherwise chaotic, busy life, I will take it as long as there's something set aside for you to feel and feel in a safe way. But yeah, I mean, if I were planning it three weeks ahead of time, like I would probably say there's going to be some leakage, weeks ahead of time, like I would probably say there's going to be some leakage. Yeah, I mean, I think it can feel like we really need to control it and all of that. But grief is an involuntary response and it's a natural involuntary response. So it will come out in some way shape or form before you. You've scheduled it between three and six.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that what I was trying to say is that after that three and six, it should be done. That's more of what I was saying versus schedule it.
Speaker 2:You know, when I work with first responders and there's a lot of loss and that happens especially within the police and fires I always tell them that it's not checking in on someone for the first two weeks that's everyone can does that. It's checking in on them three weeks later, a month later, two months later, because that's when sometimes that grief comes out in a wanky way at the risk of sounding English, but I think that that's the other part I was pointing out and I think you can speak to that too, is that I had a guest on Crystal Partney who I thought I was over it, and I went shopping where I used to shop with my sister, at the supermarket, and I broke down.
Speaker 3:I couldn't even stay there and I thought I was over it, which is another misnomer, I think about grief 100%. Oh yeah, I mean, I think that one of the things that we don't talk enough about is all of the secondary losses that come up over time, and I talk a lot about how grief is in the layers. We don't talk enough about is all of the secondary losses that come up over time, and I talk a lot about how grief is in the layers. The first month or so, even the first two months, is practical stuff and a state of shock. Even if you're expecting a loss, the loss has now happened and there still can be a state of shock Once all that wears off and you're also busy with either doing estate work or planning a funeral or, you know, giving casserole dishes back to people and fielding phone calls. Once that wears off and you're left looking at your life again, at your life as a whole and also what's in front of you.
Speaker 3:All of these other losses come up in different ways through time and also the idea of being over it. There are triggers and grief reminders all the time that will come up, just as trauma does, and can really feel like it's set us back. But I think one of the things to remember is that it will happen. If we know it will happen, once it happens we can then prepare for it. But I think just the idea that knowing that it's not just a one and done, later on you will be in a supermarket or down the street, or even sitting on your couch or getting a smell of something or picking up the phone, just thinking that your dad or your mom is still alive it's just by default. Your brain forgot that they're dead. So, yeah, I think one of the biggest things to remember is that it never goes away and the intensity of the feeling changes, but those reminders are in your body.
Speaker 2:And it never changes, and what I one of the other things I talk about trauma and grief being similar and we're going to talk about that too, but it's not the same. I tell people like trauma and grief is like this big mountain and you can go around it in circles, go up a little bit and go back, but you don't get over it. You get through it and the grief process can be quick, could be long, can show up in different ways. I've lost my friend, as everyone knows that part of my being a therapist is losing my friend who's 12.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I can talk about it today, come Labor Day, when it's going to be the anniversary we'll talk about maybe I won't have a hard time, maybe I will have a hard time, but there's no way in hell I'm going to judge it, and I think that's the other part that's important.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you can't. I mean, that's the most important part is just allowing it to be what it is. And I don't know if you've ever felt this way, but since my mom died too, every year I don't know what to expect. And I may have a good year one year and think, oh wow, this has really shifted, and then the next year I'm flat on my ass in a state of grief and I'm shocked. Even being a grief therapist, I'm like oof, this one hit me off guard and that's kind of the sometimes I call it the cruel nature of grief and trauma is that every year, from year to year, it still can be different if it's an anniversary or a milestone or all of that. So just to continue to not judge and be gentle with it every year and plan the best you can to be gentle.
Speaker 2:I don't have it in front of me, but I remember like kind of like going first year was tough with my dad. Second year was things were okay. Third and fourth year was really, really difficult and then it got easier. Last year was fine. I don't know what it's going to be in December, nor am I going to be like, let's predict. Yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, the only thing you can do is plan.
Speaker 3:And I always say and this is also in my book, I don't know if you got this far, but sort of like the ABC, like really simplifying kind of your plan A, your plan B, your plan C, so that you don't feel so overwhelmed that now you feel like you have to do what you planned for that you know fourth or sixth year and you can plan accordingly like well, you know it may be hard, but I don't know.
Speaker 3:So I'll try to go to this party, or maybe I'll go to work, or maybe I'll go to dinner, and that's my planning. And if I wake up that day and it's not feeling it, and I feel really bombarded by that grief and that loss, like nope we're, we got a plan B, and if that plan B doesn't feel good, let's have something on the horizon after that, because I think, just knowing that you've already planned something, it'll fall a little bit more gentler. A little bit gentler in that way, because because you're giving it thought and you're sort of preparing, so that sense of anxiety is lessened. But absolutely, If we could predict how we would feel 10 years from now, I mean you and I would be in a different business but right, it would be fun, I'd look forward to it would be fun, I'd look forward to it.
Speaker 2:But I also talk about how, when you're grieving and I think you mentioned that in the book too is that there's not like Gina's going to grieve differently than Steve and Steve's going to, then John and Jane and Judy and Frank they were all going to do it differently and I think that one of the things that I kind of remind people is that, while we all grief individually differently, I think that we also got to realize that grief is not, like we said, a linear process. It is absolutely not a linear process, but there's strength in numbers. You know, people who knew my dad are people. Sometimes, when I'm having a hard time, I reach out to them because even though they're not experiencing the same thing they can really like there's a strength in numbers. I know you, I know you have things to say about that, but I think it's also important to know what your resources are.
Speaker 3:I think the resources are probably one of the most important things, I think being able to continue the relationship in some way through people, to be able to talk about him, to talk about their relationship. Relationships are complicated, especially parent-child right, so I find that, even with my mom being gone, that new things come up every so often that I think about and I'm like you know, I need to talk about that or I need to process that, and it's sometimes a real comfort to hear from her friends to keep her going or to even I'll talk to her myself, now that I'm hearing back, necessarily, but you know the idea that I can, I can actually have that conversation, but I think without talking about her, with people and processing my feelings with other people at times, when they come up with whether it's her friends or whether it's honoring her or creating rituals, a lot of my friends sort of know the anniversary of my mom's death so we'll go and raise a glass of Prosecco which my mom didn't drink often but would celebrate with. So it's something like that and those moments bring me so much comfort and if I just were to go out on my own and get a glass of Prosecco, it just wouldn't, I think I would be sitting in the sense of loss and the void as opposed to celebrating and remembering the love. But also, yeah, I mean grief can feel really complicated. So I think, when things come up and they will through the years, as relationships continue to evolve or you miss them more or your life has progressed, I mean there's a lot of introspection.
Speaker 3:When it comes to loss, I think it's important to not just process it on your own and to really do whatever you can to make sure that you've got an army of people there for you that feel safe and don't judge you. And, by the way, I just have to say this as a side note because it's so crazy as we were talking about this I have a balcony right outside of my apartment here and about six pigeons just landed on my table and are looking in at me right now. As you said, people around you, and I'm like, huh, there's, you're naming Frank and you're naming all the people, and they started landing. I had to tell you this real life moment because they're still looking at me. It feels like I have an audience. It's a little bit off-putting.
Speaker 3:I'm getting staged right now, Steve.
Speaker 2:I was going to say you got to get used to this. That's going to happen over the course of the next few months.
Speaker 3:That's never happened before. It's hilarious and they're really looking in at me. So anyway, it's hilarious and they're really looking in at me, so it's uh. So anyway, I had, I just had to. Sorry, sorry listeners, I had to share that with steve because it's um, I think my listeners really something I'm like look at all these pigeons, just looking at them, they're, they're really it's a little bit invasive, but anyway I'll pretend you're on the today show and they're all staring in the window like that oh my god, that's true, that's right, I'll, I'll, I'll sign some autographs later.
Speaker 2:Oh, perfect. I'm going to go back to another part that we I think we talked off air before this and the importance of the nervous system and how it's rooted in the nervous system.
Speaker 1:Can you tell me more a little bit?
Speaker 2:more about that, because I think it's absolutely right. But so I'm not going to say anything, I'm going to let you talk.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, I mean, look, at the end of the day, our nervous system is there for survival. Our brain has one purpose and it's to keep us alive, and our nervous system, I see, is the smoke alarm. It's always looking out for a fire for us, and loss is a fire, and so one of the things that I always say this is how I actually compare grief and trauma. This is where they overlap is in these moments of our nervous system, and this is where a lot of things can feel traumatic about loss, even if you haven't necessarily had a traumatic loss. And I say that with quotations, because there's a frighteningly vague definition of what traumatic loss is, and it is really just circumstances that feel traumatic. Great, and that is according to the Journal of Traumatology, european Journal of Traumatology, and so for me, I think the nervous system is the key element when it comes to how a grief or a loss can feel traumatizing. But it may not just be that you had a traumatic loss, such as a violent loss, a suicide, a sudden unexpected loss, even, or an ambiguous loss, which is a loss without any closure, but our nervous systems hold anxiety and high adrenaline. If you are somebody with a history of anxiety. This will be a very traumatizing period of time for you. If you are somebody who just physically has a higher, is always on high alert with your nervous system, if you go into fight or flight easily, this will be something that feels traumatizing. If you have a history of trauma or traumatic losses, your nervous system will kick right into high gear because the body remembers, as they say. So there's a lot that happens within the nervous system. Your brain is trying to reorient itself.
Speaker 3:Right, the brain is used to predictable information for its survival survival. Something that I really appreciated about a Huberman lab was really the way that he broke down grief within the nervous system and the brain, which was right on, and it's really that the brain has this idea of what's predictable and that predictability is our sense of safety. Right, so I always know where you are, steve. I always know where you are in space and time. It's predictable. You are there, you're alive, you're present. I always know where you are in space and time. It's predictable. You are there, you're alive, you're present, and I know basically that you're going to be where you are when that is taken away from us. Now the brain has a lot of work to do, because now you're not there where it's in its predictable place. You're not there, there's and there's no idea where you actually are in space and time.
Speaker 3:Right, we, even if we're religious, we can say, okay, well, steve is in heaven or Steve is wherever Steve is in my religious belief system, but for the majority of people you're really just in an unpredictable place, you're in an unknown place. And the way that we have to contend with that is that we actually have to hold on to the relationship but let go of the other two aspects, and that is can be really really traumatizing for people. How do I hold onto the fact that Steve is still in my heart and in my mind without the idea that I don't know where Steve is? And even with divorces where people don't talk to each other anymore, it's sort of kind of the same idea where we're holding on to something.
Speaker 3:But so, you know, for a lot of people who have poor coping skills or a history of trauma or the relationship was based on survival, you know, if this was somebody that was their caretaker or someone they caretook, it can really complicate the brain's way of processing this loss and we can be thrust into a hyper alert, hyper arousal and a lot of people won't really understand that it's much more intense than, say, just normal fresh grief, quote unquote.
Speaker 3:You will really be in a state of hyper arousal to the point that you can't find relief. Hyper arousal to the point that you can't find relief and that is one of the parts of grief that people don't talk enough about is really that overlap with a sense of trauma and all of the ways in which something can feel traumatizing to people. So I wanted to point that out in this book because it is important that we don't feel so isolated when we're having what could feel like an abnormal reaction to a loss, but based on our history, our attachment to that person and really how we can contend with the idea that they are no longer in their predictable place for us.
Speaker 2:And I think that when I go back to the central nervous system and all the hormones, I think that people who don't understand that I said, okay, well, what about if I told you you're calling your favorite restaurant or going to your favorite restaurant and it's no longer there? Or they said, oh, we moved to a different town, different part of the city or what have you? Look at your reaction. That's your central nervous system, because there's lack of predictability. Suddenly, yeah.
Speaker 2:And the other thing that you point out in the book that I really want to point out is that most people say well, I'm feeling this way, it's my central nervous system. The central nervous system doesn't feel anything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's true, it's just there to protect you. It's just got the hormones racing out to keep you alive and all of your major you know other major systems functioning and that's really basically it. But I don't know where you want to go with that one, where we talk about it. But it is important to understand that it's your safety, it's responsible for your safety and your survival only. And so when we talk about, say, grounding and centering your central nervous system, it really is about sort of getting those hormones into check so that they're not racing around trying to keep you alive or figure out where the fire is in your body that's going off.
Speaker 3:You know, because that's really their only job. They don't feel anything, they're not feeling scared or you know they're just. They're like let's. Hey, it's like the fire. You know the fire department sliding down the pool, getting the hoses ready, getting their gear on and jumping into the truck and looking for that fire to put out. And it's not, that's their only job. So when we talk about sort of grounding that nervous system, it's what can we do in order to provide a sense of safety to our body and our nervous system so that we can then feel Right can then feel right, and I think that, like the reason why I mentioned that, and it's, uh, from gabor mate's book on the myth of normal, and it talks about how we have.
Speaker 2:you know, there's one part of here that the brain is what the concepts are, which include feelings, people, their concepts. They're up here. Your central nervous system is almost your spine and that's just like safety, safety, safety. Your heart has also a nervous system, and then your gut, which most people forget about and they say that doesn't exist. Well, it does exist.
Speaker 3:Sure does.
Speaker 2:And there's like all these nervous systems. So sometimes when we find ways to look at feelings, I always say, well, good news, If you're looking for feelings, that means you're in your brain. That's a good sign, we can work with that. If you don't know what you're feeling and you're all confused and you're afraid of being in my room where it's safe, that brings a different pattern. And I guess what I wanted to really bring up is the central nervous system, because I think the other part, that's you know I I love chapter five and because I do a lot of trauma work and trauma stuff and you mentioned it earlier and we talked about a pre-interview and to me it's so important to explain to people what trauma informed truly means, and I don't know if you want to talk more about that, but for me it's a very important subject.
Speaker 3:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:I think we make it more complicated or think it's more complicated than it is.
Speaker 3:Even the terms we were talking about it earlier trauma-informed feels like it's all about the education and the training and that sure, that's a part of it.
Speaker 3:But if we really boil it down to its most important element, it is the idea that we create safety In any kind of traumatic work that we do. We have to understand that people are coming in with their nervous system mostly unregulated or going off in terms of regulation more often, and creating a safe place, a place where they get to decide, where they're safe, where they can talk and feel free and feel what they have to feel or share whatever it is their experience is, is it? It is the most important part of trauma informed care. It is the central tenant of being a trauma informed therapist, and how you do that is not necessarily something that you have to work towards in terms of building rapport. It's something you actively work on with the client, engaging their sense of safety at all times and being incredibly present with them to what their needs are, not being somebody who needs to hear their story or hear their quote, unquote trauma or whatever it is that they've come in with. It's really most important that you focus on them feeling safe to be there.
Speaker 2:You talk about EMDR at the end of that chapter and how to create a safe place or having the container box, which is all good stuff about EMDR and you explained it so beautifully. I'm going to let people read it there. But I also have had experiences working with first responders and the environment that I work with. They're like I'm trauma informed. I know about PTSD. No, that's not what at all Great that you know. Thank you. No, that's not what at all Great that you know. Thank you.
Speaker 2:But if you have someone who's a first responder goes to you, they don't want you to know. Okay, here are the symptomology and okay, sure, that's great. But what they want is safety. And as one of my firefighter who's been on before said, do you want a room or a telephone? Or tell a firefighter and keeping that safety is also not sharing these difficulties and I'm not picking on firefighters only, I'm police and everyone else. You can listen to what I just said. I put you in the same boat. It's really that safety and we need to figure out how to trauma, inform us about safety. I can have someone who I've known for two weeks who will spill a lot of the stuff that they because they felt safe with me, whether by history, whether they listened to this podcast. But I also have clients who you know.
Speaker 2:I had client who had a pretty significant negative experience with a therapist and it took her like after two years she's like all right, I'm ready to be much more authentic. I'm like great. And she, she said to me you made me feel safe. I needed that because it was not safe in my previous therapist's office, and so I think that that's what I wanted to mention about. You know, when we talk about the central nervous system and the trauma informed, it's not just, oh, I know about the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous system. This is what it. No, that's knowledge that's not informed absolutely.
Speaker 3:Absolutely, absolutely. And also it's important to point out that even if you just tell people that you're a safe place, that is not trauma-informed either. It's understanding, truly, that we don't get to define what feels safe for somebody. They get to define what feels safe so we can think that we're providing something safe. But the work really lies in making sure that we're gauging their sense of safety in all different types of ways and also checking in a lot and allowing them to be the captain of the ship, because if somebody is coming in with a history of trauma, they're used to feeling out of control and they're used to having their voice taken or they're used to having an experience that is outside of their resources to cope with it, and so the most important thing is not what you say is safe, but what they say is safe in your office.
Speaker 2:And safety is not like. I tell people that sometimes safety is not. You can be in a jail and I worked in a jail for a couple of years and I didn't feel safe there and it's supposed to be the safest place in the world I didn't feel safe.
Speaker 3:That's the least safe place.
Speaker 2:And you can be in the middle of New York City, which I went with my daughters a few years ago and my youngest daughter did not like that experience, felt unsafe with so many people, and I felt very safe and I had no problem with that. So safety is not also dictated by other people. Just want to mention that too 100%.
Speaker 3:That's the most important thing, and I would. If you're somebody who's thinking about going to therapy for any of these things, I would talk about this.
Speaker 2:Right and I think that reading a little more about your book and getting some information on that also helps someone feel safe and also trusting that stuff that they get from that. So I really, like I said, I think it's such a great book for individuals who don't know how to deal with their grief necessarily, or they're curious about grief and can bring you to that next level of what it would look like. And when I talked about the nervous system, again that's my other part about trauma informed. If your gut tells you it's not feeling right, don't overthink it. It's not right. Move on, it's okay.
Speaker 3:I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 2:And when we talk about the grief process in your book. Again, if Gina is your cup of tea and Steve's not your cup of tea, or vice versa, there's no me and you don't feel bad about that. Great, you found someone. That's awesome.
Speaker 3:The right therapist won't feel. Won't take that personally.
Speaker 2:And I think that that's where I tell people like tell us it's okay, there's nothing wrong, a hundred percent. I'm not going to be like oh my God, I'm so devastated. No, I'm. I've had therapists and I went like nope and you said that earlier Like nope, that's not for me.
Speaker 3:I wish I had left earlier, yeah, and I always like to check in, sometimes Like how's it all going? How are you feeling about all of this? I'm grateful that people you know stick with me, or you know my clients have been with me a long time, but I think you can't still be too comfortable. I think you have to say how is it all feeling? And I think it's important that people always feel safe enough to say you know what? This was great the first year and maybe now I'm not feeling it so much, or whatever it is. There's nothing that hurts me more than somebody stifling themselves in a therapeutic setting for the sake of someone else, so please don't do that. You and I are built at the same cloth, so you know our ego is not in the game. It's really about the work and it's about being the traveling companion, but the right traveling companion.
Speaker 2:And speaking of traveling companion as we approach the hour. Already it went by so fast.
Speaker 3:It did go so fast.
Speaker 2:I want to share that your traveling companion, if people want to use your book. I think that that's a great way to process any type of grief, Because the other thing too that I think we mentioned briefly, but I think we should expand Grief is not just losing a loved one. Grief is a lot more complex than that Losing a job, losing, through a divorce, a tree that you're attached to, I mean to me, grief is such a complex thing.
Speaker 3:It is complex and I think what people don't understand right now is that, especially post COVID, grief is the number one mental health burden people are carrying and so many people don't know that that's actually what they're experiencing is grief. You know they may. They may see it manifested as anxiety or depression, but if you really dig down and you take a moment to think about what's going on in your life, you might realize that there was a loss somewhere along the way that you didn't. Either you didn't check it off as a loss of any kind or you minimized it, because society has sometimes taught us to minimize certain losses. But even you know I had a client with a college rejection letter and there was a lot of grief around that.
Speaker 3:You know that he had planned this was his dream, got all of the college paraphernalia for it and then was rejected. And this is something really hard to work through and you know there's no judgment. Anything that feels significant or meaningful to you is really important and it runs the gamut. And you know I do talk about that a lot in my book. People don't understand your experience, and how could they? It's yours. It's just important that you respect your experience and honor it.
Speaker 2:And I think you mentioned also that if you look around you say a study, one out of two people is going through grief right now.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so every other person, every other person you are meeting is going through a grief currently. Yeah, that was the Amerispeaks survey, absolutely, and it was astonishing to me to read it, because we we don't tend to think of that. You're like, wow, everybody, every other person I've met, has lost a person. Of course, the statistics went up for sure after COVID because of how many deaths there were, but the loss itself has I mean, it's off the charts in terms of livelihood, houses, sense of identity, sense of safety.
Speaker 3:We went through during COVID and I think we forget that that was a really traumatic time for us as humans in the world and we carry that in a way, you know, because life just sort of went back to normal and fast forwarded and we're just moving through things and news cycles, there's aliens landing here and we're like, okay, yeah, we got things to do. So it's really interesting how the human brain is sort of just almost, in a way, we're training ourselves to just keep moving through things. But I think it's important to know that there's been a lot of loss and a lot of trauma and a lot that our DNA and our nervous systems are carrying. So, just to give it some grace if you're having a harder time than usual. That ask yourself is this loss, is this grief that I could be feeling?
Speaker 2:And I found that during the COVID times and I know we're still are in some ways, although the pandemic is over A lot of people went through like, oh, I never processed this grief from the past or I didn't go through this, so it's not. It wasn't only current when it brought them up to, because they had time to be with themselves and it created a very complex. So I think this book is absolutely the right time to be released, which I think that for me, I would like to hear more about. I want to mention this before we go on and we we kind of like wrap up and I want to know where to get the book, but don't rush through this book. I think it's important for me to say out loud that you know, I go back and the story of thing was the Dalai Lama.
Speaker 2:Someone came to them and she said I want to go, I want to be enlightened, and how long does that take? And he said 10 years. And she said well, I'm in a rush, I want to do it quick. So he goes five years. So five years later she shows back up and sees the dalai lama. I did the five years, am I enlightened yet? And he turns around he says 10 years and the point being of that story is that you can't rush these processes. It can't be enlightened because you're rushed through it, you can't go through grief because you try to process it faster and you're better or worse or whatever. So wanted to mention that and having read the book and yes, maybe I read a little quicker because I want to make sure I was informed for our interview but I truly believe that that advice that I think you give at the beginning, if I remember correctly, is the best advice I can give to anyone who's going to pick up your book.
Speaker 3:Yeah, thank you so much.
Speaker 3:I think my hope is that there will come times in your life that you need to pick it up in different ways, to either look at rituals for carrying on or, if you had a hard relationship with someone you've lost, how we retrace our steps and look back at things, whether they're death, losses or divorces and, you know, really being able to look at our loss in context of our whole life and how we are, the strengths, the relationships, our support system, the way that we care for our body, how we cope with hard things in general.
Speaker 3:You know, I talk about rhythms that we go, we get into during grief and really it's about the gentleness, it's about the presence, it's about the tenderness, but it's also about showing up for ourselves in the most honest way and not just putting grief on a pedestal.
Speaker 3:In a way. Right, we lose someone or we break up with someone and they're the best thing that's ever happened, and it's really about looking honestly at our own lives as a whole and there will be things that you need at certain times of your life that you may not need right now, and so that's why I say, if you can, keep it on your shelf and come back to it, and if it feels simple, it's because it's meant to be something you can easily metabolize when you're feeling overwhelmed. I'm not something that you have to look up and you know, google, what the meaning of it is or feel like it has a density. So just know that it's coming from my heart and the hope is that it lands in yours. However you need it, whenever you need it or for someone else who might need it, and that's it. It's just to really be there for one another and provide a safe and soft landing.
Speaker 2:Couldn't have said it better myself. The podcast is going to be released on August 16th 2023.
Speaker 3:Oh, my goodness.
Speaker 2:So the book is coming out on August 22nd 2023. My copy is already reserved. Even though I got the other book, I still have my copy coming in Thank you so much. So where can we find the book? Obviously I know, but I want you to tell our audience about how to get that book.
Speaker 3:Really, you can get it anywhere. Books are sold. If you're somebody who wants a quick order, amazon, it's all over Amazon. If you want to support independent bookshops, it's on bookshoporg, it's on Barnes Noble and it is actually all over the world right now. Uk it will be coming out at the same time, as well as the Netherlands and all of the UK provinces. It will be available everywhere. Books are sold on August 22. And I obviously would love it if you stay in touch with me and let me know if you're listening. Right now you can find me on Instagram at GinaMoffaLCSW, or shoot me an email from my website at GinaMoffacom. I really just want this to be something that brings people together and where people feel less alone or they learn how to help people they love, and so really, to me, grief is about witnessing and connection, and the only way to do that is through authentic community. So please stay in touch with me.
Speaker 2:I think that this book is going to be very helpful for so many people and when you have that many books out there, just remember us people, and I know you always do. You've always been there for me, so I appreciate that, and don't forget about this podcast when you want to promote anything else. You obviously know you'll always be invited.
Speaker 3:My favorite podcast. So thank you. I'm biased, I'm biased, but you do amazing work and what you do for people and bringing honesty and realism to the therapy experience, you make it less scary for people and I'm just so grateful. I'm grateful to know you as a friend and I'm grateful to have you as a colleague. You know, this world is better for people like you, because of people like you. So thank you, steve, so much, and thank you for having me here and allowing me to spend time with you and your audience, who's amazing, because I see their comments.
Speaker 2:Well, I appreciate you and I appreciate your book and I can't wait for your tour when you come to Boston, because I'm going to have lunch or dinner or something and we're going to get together for sure.
Speaker 3:All of it, all of it. Thank you so much, and yeah, I'm just grateful.
Speaker 2:I've always cherished our time, so thank you. Well, this concludes Episode 113. Gina Moffa, thank you, thank you, thank you. Go get her book. Moving on doesn't mean letting go. I think that that's going to be a great book for so many people, so please go and get it at your favorite book retailer. There will be a link in my show notes, but I do hope you go get it. But episode 114 will be with two returning guests, j-ball and Brian Harkins. Both of them have been on my show before. They talk about first responder stuff. Jay actually introduced me to Brian, but then wasn't able to make the first recording. So hopefully you enjoy next week's episode too, and I'll see you then.
Speaker 1:Please like, subscribe and follow this podcast on your favorite platform. A glowing review is always helpful and, as a reminder, this podcast is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. If you're struggling with a mental health or substance abuse issue, please reach out to a professional counselor for consultation. If you are in a mental health crisis, call 988 for assistance. This number is available in the United States.
