Finding Your Way: Resilience Development in Action
"Resilience Development in Action" is your dynamic guide to building unshakeable strength in life's most demanding roles. Join us as we dive deep into the intersection of mental health, leadership, and personal growth through the lens of real-world experience and professional expertise.
Each week brings a powerful focus:
- First responder resilience and mental wellness
- Trauma recovery and healing journeys
- Executive leadership and C-suite coaching
- Grief navigation and transformation
Host, Steve Bisson, LMHC, with over 20 years of experience working with first responders and mental health, brings straight-to-the-point strategies that bridge the gap between professional challenges and personal growth. Whether you're serving on the front lines, leading in the boardroom, or navigating life's toughest moments, each episode delivers actionable insights for developing resilience in real time.
From raw conversations with first responders to executive coaching breakthroughs, every episode offers practical tools for building mental strength and emotional agility. This isn't just talk – it's Resilience Development in Action.
New episodes release weekly, featuring expert interviews, solo insights, and real-world applications for immediate impact.
Finding Your Way: Resilience Development in Action
E.191 Resilience and Grief in High-Stress Professions
What if the very nature of your job required you to lock away grief, only for it to accumulate and weigh heavier with each call? Join us for a compelling discussion as we unravel the unique emotional landscape navigated by first responders like EMTs, paramedics, and police officers. These everyday heroes are often thrust into situations that demand stoic professionalism despite the emotional toll of repeated trauma. We'll explore how they confront cumulative grief and the societal pressures to maintain composure amidst chaos. With personal insights and expert perspectives, we aim to illuminate the emotional and psychological challenges that come hand-in-hand with their vital roles.
As we continue our journey through the complexity of grief, we recognize its unpredictable and non-linear path through denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Inspired by Gina Moffa's work, we reflect on how grief can manifest in fluctuating emotional patterns and physical symptoms, proving particularly challenging for first responders. From energy shifts to body tension, understanding these signs is crucial to their well-being. Looking forward, we're thrilled to announce the return of Jessica Jamison in our next episode, where we'll tackle the topic of food trauma and its profound impact on eating habits and perceptions. Join us for these poignant discussions, and remember, if you or someone you know is facing mental health struggles, professional help is always available.
Hi and welcome to Finding your Way Through Therapy. A proud member of the PsychCraft Network, the goal of this podcast is to demystify therapy, what can happen in therapy and the wide array of conversations you can have in and about therapy Through personal experiences. Guests will talk about therapy, their experiences with it and how psychology and therapy are present in many places in their lives, with lots of authenticity and a touch of humor. Here is your host, steve Bisson.
Speaker 2:Alors on est plus près que jamais d'être officiel. We are close to never being official. Welcome to episode 191 of Finding finding your way through therapy. So very excited. The studio is really coming in together. I'm really hoping that, starting probably this episode or the next episode, I'm going to start just doing it out of this studio that I really like. Let me know what you think. I just want to know what people think. But hey, that's good. I also have a new soundboard so I like to play with that stuff.
Speaker 2:The closest thing that I think is acceptable for this podcast is to say yes, we're probably going to be in the studio regularly starting this episode. So I don't know if you're excited like I am, but obviously I needed to give myself a hand. A lot of work went through this and I do appreciate all the support that others have given me. So episode 190, if you haven't listened to it, go back and listen to it. Tina Jurotic, who talked about traumatic relationships, how to heal, and her book. I mean it was a great conversation, so please go back.
Speaker 2:But episode 191, as I said, we were going to talk about the process of grief. The reason why I want to talk about grief? For several reasons. A, that's going to be a theme now in this podcast on a regular basis with the change and everything else that's coming up, and in a couple of weeks you're going to start seeing the new name come up. Anyone who wants to venture, yes, direct message me, let me know. But yeah, we're going to be talking about grief a lot more.
Speaker 2:So I wanted to talk a little bit about what first responders particularly go with grief, because they've observed lots of unique grief patterns, and the reason why is because I think that one of the things that happens with first responders in particular is cumulative grief. They have multiple traumatic incidents in shorter periods and, yes, this is not for every first responder. In fact, I find that, yes, while it is higher than the general population, it is not necessarily all first responders, but they do process grief a little differently. They get a lot of challenging calls, they're always exposed to other people's traumas and sometimes it can be their colleagues, right? So I really, really think that that's something that happens, as well as what they see in the community, and the time the process sometimes is not good. I would say that EMTs paramedics in the Northeast who work with the fire departments tend to be able to go back to the program and when they go back to the program they're able to the station, not the program, but to go back to the station. They end up processing with the guys whoever was not on the call or was on the call or whatever, so that they have that time with police.
Speaker 2:Unfortunately, it's a lot of solo work. You're not usually with a partner. You usually have to write the report and if there's another call that comes in, guess what? You got to go take care of the calls. So definitely different times and you'll have a lot of time to process that.
Speaker 2:The other thing is you need to maintain your composure on the scene. How many times did I hear guys come close to say I almost lost my shit here, and the reason why? Because you got to keep your composure. But sometimes you have your own stuff going on. It's very difficult. So keeping your composure can be difficult.
Speaker 2:Managing public expectations Now this is something that you got to understand about grief. So a police officer in Vermont does something wrong, well, all police are put together because of that Police officer does something wrong in Utah. Every police officer is in the same boat when you have the public expectations. And then they throw a camera in your face because guess what? My job, your job, for most of you who are not first responders, no one's with a camera in your face. Sure, you might be monitored by cameras, but they're not in your face and trying to even provoke you. And yes, for those who are offended by my comment, because they're public, not all public people try to provoke first responders, but they definitely a lot of them do. And the reason why I'm going to record this, I'm going to record this, they don't care. So most of them are carrying body cameras now, but it's ultimately very difficult to deal with that.
Speaker 2:And then that grief. It could be like what people said when people don't report, what will do this and do that? I think that that plays a huge factor and it definitely puts a pressure on the first responders more than others. The administrative pressures. If I had a dime for every time that someone told me about administration, what's the right word I'm looking for? Betrayal being told one thing and not doing another. I think every other week in group we talk about administration betrayal chiefs, deputies, lieutenants, town managers, sheriffs, people like that betrayal. And then, when they start accumulating because of X, y, z, or they've been told one thing one day and it changes on the other. It just really grows on you. There's a lot of pressure that goes with that.
Speaker 2:And then you got to have your personal reactions to stuff. Right, and, like as a therapist, I do have reactions to what people say sorry, to break a wall, police do too fire, do too EMT, paramedics, dispatch ER people, doc people all of those people have a reaction, but guess what? They keep it together because they feel that's important, that needs to be done. Right, and you got to do all your professional duties. But having a personal reaction afterwards can be very difficult. And you know, there's a daily thing, their daily expectation that you're always on when you're working your 40 hours. While I think that in principle we all want to be on in our jobs for 40 hours, in this particular job it is very difficult, all this first responder stuff. And then I do remember someone telling me that they went on a call for something that was similar to a call. They went for that same something a couple of years back and then that comes back and haunts them.
Speaker 2:You can call it trauma, but I call it grief sometimes because that plays a factor. There's anniversaries. As I write this, I'm not emotional. Today it's going really well. One of my good friends, christina, passed away. This would be 17 years ago, which is unbelievable to think about. But the anniversary sometimes they can play a factor for people. My grief today. The anniversary is okay. That doesn't mean I'll be okay in the future, but it definitely is hard sometimes. And then change in team dynamics. Whenever you have someone who leaves, retires or worse, misconducts, that can play a factor. The grief and the loss. Anytime there's a change in a team, whether it's sports or first responders or whatever, it affects the team. When I coached soccer I always try to keep everyone there, even if they were injured, and come to the bench. Why? Because it affects the team and there's a grief process that goes on if they're not there. What's interesting is I've, in time, I remember talking about grief and what was the Bible when I first started? Yes, 20 something years ago.
Speaker 2:A lot of the people talked about the Kubler-Ross five stages of grief and I'm sure you've heard of that. I've certainly used them in therapy with some of my clients. It's been quote disproven. This is an original idea. It's not disproven in my book in the sense that it still exists. But they've shown that it's not linear, it's not the same, it's not circular. So the Kubler-Ross, it was a good process of grief and grieving that's the name of the book, if you want to go check it out.
Speaker 2:But it starts with the denial, the initial shield for us not to feel, and it keeps us from overwhelming pain. And I can't believe it. Or it just didn't happen. What are you talking about? Laughing about it? Some people will laugh too. That's usually the denial stage. Anger is the emotional protest of the loss. No, that can't be. What the hell are you talking about? And that goes hand in hand sometimes with denial, the bargaining. We're trying to regain control. And well, maybe this is just a bad dream, maybe this would have changed something if I did this or that. And we bargain, even about our relationship with those individuals. And then it leads to depression, the weight of the reality sits in, and then eventually you get to acceptance, learning to live with a new normal. That doesn't mean you get over it, you get through it, and that's something you'll hear me constantly say about grief and trauma. But I want to throw that out. For the grief Again, it's been.
Speaker 2:It's not a linear step. It's been disproven in the sense that it's not only that simple, so to speak, and sometimes people have multiple stages at once, like I said, the denial, the anger, bargaining, depression. And I know that people have gone from acceptance. I know my friend has been gone now for, like I said, 17 years, which seems really unreal to me. Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional and I still bargain to this day. What if I checked on her? What if I called her and talked to her in about a couple of weeks? At that point it's not going to change anything, but I'm still bargaining, even afterwards. So keep in mind that the bargaining is something that might show up in the future and all that. But again, a lot of people would say that it's been disproven. I think that there's a lot of things that have been disproven. I think that there's a lot of things that have been disproven. That doesn't mean they're not helpful.
Speaker 2:But I'll turn to something you know, someone I really trust, and you've heard her on the show a couple of times Gina Moffa shout out. Gina, hope you're listening and I'll put her book in the show notes because I truly, truly believe her book is one of the best works on grief that we've ever heard, and she talks about grief rhythms and they show up as daily emotional fluctuations. Right now I've been fine all day but I started talking about Christina, started affecting me. Now it's not affecting, but deal with those emotional fluctuations, the bargaining, the stuff like that. The energy level changes. Sometimes we're like on and sometimes we have no energy and being able to look at all these changes that occur in our energy levels and that's absolutely normal. A lot of people struggle with that but at the end of the day the energy level is normal to change because of the things that are going on Coping capacities and again, gina MOFA, it doesn't mean letting go.
Speaker 2:I'm trying to remember the first part. I will put it in the show notes. I really encourage you to read that book. I've given it to my clients. Some of them have kept it and that's fine, but really like it.
Speaker 2:And we talk about the capacities. Some days I can handle it well, sometimes I don't. Christina's birthday was in January and when I was thinking about that I started crying about her birthday. But today's the anniversary of her death and I'm fine. So who knows, and maybe I won't be able to cope later on. I still have a few clients, have a few things to see and do today, so who knows how I'm going to feel later on.
Speaker 2:But that's normal and the intensity, like I've cried like a baby about Christina before, and is it the fifth year, is it the 10th year, I don't know but it really changes and then it also shows up in different ways in your body. Sometimes your sleep is distorted and really not well because you're thinking about it, you're bargaining, you're doing a lot of those capacity things that you're changing. Body tension right now I'm relaxed, see, my shoulders are kind of relaxed, but sometimes I'm tense and really understanding that physical manifestations will occur in regards to the loss. Sometimes your energy will be really high and sometimes it'll be really low, and then sometimes it'll be very alert and sometimes it'll be very slow and those are all the fluctuations that occur because of the loss.
Speaker 2:And on the psychological standpoint, you're going to have memory challenges and remembering it differently. We create our stories. You know there's a whole study that shows that all our memories are flawed and the reason why is that we want to remember it in a way that makes it easy for us. So you know, maybe the memory challenges or changes. There's intrusive thoughts about you know why her not blank and I don't want to trigger anyone, but that plays a factor. Realizing that these things occur is so important. That's why I want to throw it out here, but it's very important. And then concentration issues. Today I can concentrate, although I've screwed up a couple of my words. Maybe it's about Christina, maybe I'm tired, maybe it's something else, but ultimately it does happen. So just acknowledging it and being able to do that is very important.
Speaker 2:So if you go back a little bit to first responders, this grief stuff can go for anyone, but for first responders, manage it on scene, be able to check in with someone there. If you need to ground yourself between calls making sure you do deep breathing and I know that's not cool for some first responders, but learning to deep breathe just a reset, grounding yourself and I tell people sometimes it's using a little bit of ice on your arms just to make your body come back to a physical state, not an emotional state that really helps. If you need to talk to peer support afterwards or get a crisis intervention, stress management program or scissor scissors or peer support, you can go ahead, reach out to your resources in the community and obviously, if you have a therapist or you have people who work in that field, that can give you some direction, that's all even better. And the long-term resilience building. It's just these emotional check-ins.
Speaker 2:What I do with a lot of my clients, particularly my first responders. They let them shoot about whatever they want. They tend to bring back some of the stuff that's been going on in their life and no, it's not typically grief or trauma, other stuff. But if you let people shoot, so to speak, talk about whatever they want to talk about, they end up being able to open up and discuss what's truly happening and then have professional growth, find ways to. You know. Therapy is nice, but getting other resources in the community, things that you can reach out to and people you can reach out to, is so important. And having peers. I think that the other part too is, while I do obviously believe in therapy, right, having peers is so important. So I want to make sure you think about that. If I miss anything about the grief or you want more specifics, let me know, direct message me and I can certainly do that because I've worked with a lot of first responders. I know these challenges.
Speaker 2:I've had grief in my life since very young age. I like to tell you grief is like I can't tell you one day where grief is predictable for me and I can't tell you that it's predictable even for my clients or people I know that are super duper grounded and all that fun stuff. Stop thinking that you're going to be able to get over it. Stop thinking it's going to be gone, and acknowledge that there's personal demands versus professional demands and they all link together and they can cause grief. Because sometimes I hear pretty bad stories in my job and it can be hard for me as a human being after all. So I go home and I may not be a greatest father or the greatest boyfriend or what have you. So I got to learn how to deal with that and being able to acknowledge that it's sometimes the grief. You know, if tonight I'm having a hard time, I'm going to acknowledge it's my grief and if it's not my grief, then acknowledging my emotions. But I guess that's a story for a different day so we can talk about that later.
Speaker 2:But the next episode is episode 192. It's going to be with Jessica Jamison. She's been on the show before. I think it was episode 29, if I remember correctly, go check it out. We'll discuss food trauma and how it affects our habits eating and how we perceive things, so I hope you join us.
Speaker 1:Please like, subscribe and follow this podcast on your favorite platform. A glowing review is always helpful and, as a reminder, this podcast is for informational, educational and entertainment purposes only. If you're struggling with a mental health or substance abuse issue, please reach out to a professional counselor for consultation. If you are in a mental health crisis, call 988 for assistance. This number is available in the United States and Canada.
